How to hold on

So here I am. 1/3rd done with the MTC. Es maravilloso y increible. Time here moves real funny. This week flew by. It seems like yesterday that I was sending off my email for P-day last week. Days are long, weeks are short. Nights are cold and brief, but virtually disappear into the mess of classes. Essentially it all merges into one incredibly long and drab day. I feel like I sit in my desk for 24 hours. Of course that's ridiculous. It's more like eleven or twelve.

This week was all about learning the plan of salvation. Me and Elder Coats hit it real hard and had some very effective comp and personal studies. I learned a lot about Adam and Eve especially. Regardless, it's a hard lesson to teach. There are questions that the investigator can ask about premortality that frankly we just don't know the answer too. It's essentially like inviting the investigator to open Pandora’s Box. We taught this one in English, and we'll teach it again next week. But after that, it's all in Spanish. I am not prepared.

We're almost done learning the Grammar. That's right. I've been here three weeks and we've gone over nearly every single grammar principle. This is indeed, a crash course, the biggest crash course. It's hard to choose anything to study because it's all frankly overwhelming. Nevertheless, I know through the Lord I can do all things.

This week’s task in the TRC was to meet an investigator, take them to church on a bus, and then set up an appointment. We had to take about fifteen minutes in Spanish. Check up on commitments, and testify of the importance of commitments. Then return later that night to teach the plan of salvation. Elder Coats freezes up in high pressure situations in the TRC, so for the majority I was talking to the investigators in my broken Spanish. Good experience? I survived at least. I did freeze up once however, and then there was no one to pick up the slack. As far as the language goes I'm making progress. Even still, keep praying. It is an incredibly insurmountable task.

After the Spanish portion, we prayed incredibly hard for the spirit to accompany us as we taught the plan of salvation. I wasn't sure what I was going to say. We hadn't taught it all the way through. So I was looking at complete dependence on the Lord. We had studied, and we knew we qualified for the Spirit. So with that faith, we began to teach. This lesson felt a lot more real than the others. We asked the investigators meaningful questions and they asked us meaningful questions. It was more like a doctrinal discussion guided by the spirit rather than us checking off the bullet points from PMG. We taught them about premortality, the fall, and the atonement. We emphasized God's love for all His children, and how because of that love he has given us a plan and a purpose. The spirit really came when we talked about the atonement. I felt prompted to go to Alma 7, and I taught them how Christ took upon himself all of our infirmities and afflictions, not just our sins. And he did it because He loves us. Very powerful. I honestly could feel the spirit testify through me. We then taught them about baptism, which they were very receptive too. We taught them that Jesus was baptized and he was perfect. Went to 2Ne31:5 and then taught them about Priesthood authority because they had questions. It was cool to be able to show them that our authority can be traced all the way back to Christ Himself. After that, they agreed to be baptized. We set a date for the service and told them it was a goal we could work for, that we'd be coming back. Set a return apt. etc. All in all it was a very successful lesson, the best in the TRC yet.

I'm starting to see the appeal of this pace. I don't know why or how, but in a strange way, it's becoming home. We're said goodbye to four of the Elders in our district Elder Snow, Hicken, Nielson, and Walker. They're off to the DR MTC to finish up. As for us, six more weeks of Provo to digest. Literally. Regardless it's hard to see them leave. It feels like you say goodbye as soon as you say hello. The new Elders come in every Wednesday, tears of their mothers still glistening on their rigid suit coats, eyes ablaze with life and a new adventure. As for the rest of us, we sit and watch as this world spins around us. A district comes, a district leaves. Time stops and moves backwards and forwards and stands still every now and then. We say goodbye as soon as we know how to love someone. And we cry, late at night, when no one can see. Because missionaries don't cry. They sacrifice everything. And we start to realize, that nothing we learn to care about in this place will ever last. So we kneel down with tender eyes turned to the only thing we know will never change. The North Star in our stormy sea. And then we wake up at the crack of dawn bathed in the morning light and learn to love again.

So here it is. The big "three" mark. 1/3rd done. Six weeks left. The new elders let us know how far we've come. It's self-affirming actually. I realized all the things I've learned. How to choose the right shower. How to endure four solid hours of MDT. How to wedge myself in the corner desk and not freeze to death when the vent blows right on me. How to love someone like a brother at first glance. How to say goodbye and convince myself it’s not forever. But after three weeks it never gets easier. The hours are still long. And when someone leaves this place, part of me leaves with them. It's a big cruel cycle, one that makes your knees sore. I guess all we can do too stay human here is hold onto the little things. The back left shower, the ritualistic nightly tucking in by Elder Tattersall, a letter from a loved one all the way across the world. The way the spirit comes when you bear a testimony that means something. And yes, the way God embraces us when we don't think we can take another step. What have I learned? How to hold on.